Why Teaching Kids To Be Grateful Is More Selfish Than You Think

Of course, I’m raising my children to be gracious and considerate. I would never argue against doing so. But, as a mother raising a little girl to one day own her greatness, encouraging Alina to live with gratitude is not 100% about being grateful. After reading this report from the Greater Good Science Center at the University of California, Berkeley, and several others like it, regarding the health benefits of gratitude a few months ago, I started to implement the value more purposefully in my parenting.

Along with this cute Thanksgiving craft that prompts us to think about gratitude often during the month of November, I also started a gratitude journal several weeks ago. According to the research, writing simple statements of gratitude at least once a week (but no more than 3 times a week; interestingly enough, studies say daily gratitude practice actually had adverse psychological impacts) can lower blood pressure, improve immune systems and health in general. It’s made a world of difference for me when facing challenges that truly ache my heart.

Things in my life are not always perfect. I’m not always a great friend or daughter, my kids often drive me batty and people get mad at me – lately it seems like they do a lot. These situations really really irk me. Also, being the uber sensitive person that I am, having conflict with someone that I care for or respect can physically make me sick. I lose sleep, gain weight, lose weight, lose hair, get acne – all because I’ve allowed external situations impact my health. Because of this, I plan to actively parent against this type of self destruction. Practicing forms of gratitude has been studied to combat stress and its related physical effects, which makes it a good enough reason for me to focus on. It also helps remind you that, though heartaches and challenges exist, we usually have many other people in our lives to be grateful for.

Things got better after I started to write a gratitude journal. Not instantly, but fairly quickly, I started to sleep more restful. My acne has diminished. And, in general, I’m starting to let go of the relationships that are not healthy at this time. I’ve also come to terms with how others might feel about me. As a woman, maybe even because I’m Latina, I hate thinking that someone doesn’t like me – yet I can’t stand being walked all over, so sometimes my mouth gets the best of me. It’s an impossible balance that has made it difficult for to me to have or keep the mom village that I crave.

By writing in my gratitude journal, I’ve reminded myself who is truly important – and that’s me. I need me to stay healthy. I need me to be happy. And I need all of this to raise them…

I read this quote at the height of my anxiety. One online acquaintance had managed to jump into my “real”, personal life and reek havoc. I was seriously losing my mind, but when I read this quote, my spine stiffened and I stopped crying. Who the hell gave anyone the right to make me physically sick? Oh ya, that would be me.

Alina has been parented to believe that no one loves her more than God and herself – not me or her dad. SHE is responsible for the amount of light, love and happiness in her life. And as the fierce, little girl that she is, I expect her to not ever lose sleep (or health) over a meager sheep.

My Alina, Mi queridad hija, Las mas bella de mi vida,

I give you the permission to be yourself. And I give myself the permission to parent you without any cultural or societal norms telling me how you should behave. I value manners and respect. I value honestly, integrity and loyalty. But I value YOU  most of all – whatever and whoever you choose “you” to be.

I am grateful for your stubbornness and your curiosity. I am grateful for the parts of you that make you a challenge, because I know I’m not raising a pushover.

May your radiance continue to shine for all our family and friends to see and love. May you love yourself deeply

And may you never ever lose sleep over the opinion of sheep.

Te querio por siempre y despues de siempre,

Su Mama