How To Love On Your Multiracial Children Over Dinner

I’ve learned that kids describe themselves with varying social and emotional attributes positively – such as happy, respectful, confident, independent and hard working – in higher percentages in relation to the quality of their family mealtimes. The study also shows that “family dinners at home together” are the most helpful weekday afternoon activity for children (even beyond sports and activities!) to obtain various life skills/assets, particularly for empowerment and coping with stress.

To put it mildly, family mealtimes are important!

Raising Multiracial Children At The Dinner Table

I’ve been thinking a lot about how this study relates to how I’m raising my multiracial children and what I can do to further empower their biracial identities. These are 5 tips I came up with…

Here are 3 mealtime tips for raising multiracial children to have a strong cultural identity:

1. Be Present: In the mealtime study conducted on behalf of Barilla, it was found that 47% of parents and kids agree that their family’s busy schedule makes it harder for them to have a meal together. While this is a huge barrier for all growing identities, it’s especially true for our multiracial children. In our home, we go the entire day without our biracial babies seeing their parents together. Dinner time is special in that Daddy D and I sit at our table and are present. The kids see their two cultural parts united. Never does the weight of that imagine leave me as the mother to multiracial children. Barilla had me share our multiracial family’s experience at Huffington Post recently reflecting the importance of being physically present at mealtime. It was a great honor!

2. Be Prepared: I use food traditions as a way to create a family legacy rich in cultural and global appreciation. My kids love Cuban Arroz con Pollo just as much as a slice of pizza. I’m proud of that! But in order to use food culture and quality mealtime as a means to a strong biracial identity, I have to be prepared to make the meals. With two babies at home, making dinner early in the day is a must! Alina is used to it now, but she laughed the first time she saw me cooking dinner right after serving her breakfast. Establishing a fulfilling food culture at home is important to me, so I have to be prepared – even if it means cooking dinner at 9am!

3. Be Focused: Second to busy family schedules, technology ranked high on the list of barriers to quality family mealtimes. Since our dinner time is vital to our family legacy, we turn all possible distractions off. Honestly, my babies are little, so this has more to do with me then them. TV is off, phones are on silent and not within reach. I’m zeroed in on, not only them, but my husband… allowing my kids to understand that Daddy and Mommy – while appearing different to the rest of the world – are united when it comes to the happenings of our family.

4. Be Open: I talk about hair texture. We tell Alina that brown skin is beautiful. We’re very open with her about our cultural identities. But I’ve also taught her that those conversations are sensitive topics to be discussed at home with her parents. Our dinner table is where those conversations happen – from skin color, to expressing prejudice, to self awareness, Alina comes to us during mealtime to establish her cultural identity. When raising multiracial children, set the foundation for these conversations at the dinner table without judgment or opinion. Race and culture are hot topics in American culture. Give your multiracial children the space to explore their understanding of self in a safe and secure place.

5. Be Forgiving: My biggest issue at mealtime before learning its impact imposing the stress of teaching manners and table etiquette. I had forgotten the goal of family mealtimes being to raise happy, well adjusted and awesome kids. While visiting Barilla, I chated with Dr. Doherty about my relentless focus on behavior. I told him how Alina would be mid-sentence and I interject, harping on her for not sitting straight, with elbows on the table and food in her mouth. It caused a lot of stress during our mealtime. I had no forgiveness. Dr. Doherty’s suggestion to focus solely on one skill at a time was so exactly what I needed! Forgiving certain behaviors allowed me to be more focused (#3) and open (#4) to what my daughter really needs from me – it also made for much less stress.

At the end of the day, I would rather my kids grow up with a tradition of quality family meals – with the foundation of a strong biracial identity built at home and not elsewhere – versus saying she had great table etiquette by the age of 4.

Do you believe mealtimes are important to the family legacy and raising strong multiracial children? What barriers do you experience? Is it the crazy Cuban in me, or do other moms strive for manners at the dinner table from their littlest ones?