To put this in perspective, my 5-year-old is a very literal kid. My multiracial girls personality is inquisitive, virtuous and very very accurate. Basically, she’s me in mini-form and because of that, I find it hard to misinform her. Even for little white lies that are all in fun. Even for the sake of imagination or play. I want my daughter to trust that I’ll give her the real deal when it comes to real-life….. and racial identity will always be the real stuff for me.
So last week, as we were getting ready for another day at Disneyland, my little girl asked me, “Mom, can Elsa be black?” and I had to wonder if our frequent trips were really supporting the kind of identity my biracial kids need.
Does Black Elsa Exist?
I grew up on Disney; they are masters at storytelling. There’s no denying I love Disney magic… but I want more from them, too. Now that we’re California residents and visit Disneyland almost weekly, I’m beginning to wonder if they’re offering enough of the diversity my mixed kids need in their childhood. I’ve learned that the world I expose my daughter to will impact her racial identity, so while driving to Disney, my daughter wanted to know…
Can Elsa be black? Can a multiracial girl be a Disney princess? Should she let her imagination run wild, or is it a waste of time to dress up as a series of girls that look nothing like her? Or her mom? Can there be a Black Elsa?
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Diversity in Disney
When she initially asked the question of Black Elsa, I did my usual parenting techniques to gather time and my thoughts. I try not to answer these questions off the cuff or push them aside with an “of course Elsa can be black, sweetie!”. These are honest and important questions that deserve at least the same explorations in thought to answer… but sometimes I’m just not ready! Initially, my response will include follow-up questions that help us both process the scope of her inquiry.
At the end of this back and forth (probably only about 2-3 minutes), I realized that she was asking a few different things:
- Why wasn’t Elsa black?
- Could Elsa be black?
- Is it okay for black girls to dress up as Elsa?
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Strong Like a Princess
I took some time to think about my response and once we got inside Disneyland, we sat down at the entrance for 20 minutes to look over a few things. Here’s how it happened…
Me: Baby, let’s sit here for a minute. I want to show you something. *this is the beauty of being a Disneyland annual passholder! No rush!*
I Googled a few images of Black Elsa and, instead of talking, I wanted my biracial daughter to also SEE what Black Elsa looked like. I handed her my phone and let her digest the images on her own, wondering what was going on in her head…
A: They’re pretty. But they’re not Elsa. Elsa isn’t black.
Me: No, she’s not black.
A: I like this Elsa with black hair. She looks like Auntie.
Me: Wow, she really does. Do you like the picture of Elsa with black skin?
As my daughter looked through the images, I knew she felt uncomfortable with them. Elsa has white skin.
Me: Let me show you something else…
I then went my friend’s blog who is doing a beautiful Disney Princess series with her biracial daughter, Lil’ J. I showed Alina the images of a little girl with brown skin dressing up as Snow White, Mulan, Merida, and other not-black princesses. All for fun and the joys of imagination!
A: with a sweet grin… She’s so cute!
Me: Baby, I think when you dress up as Elsa, you should think about what makes her such a great princess. She’s strong and a bit shy, just like you. She’s smart and powerful… AND she’s a big sister. Just like you! She’s not black, but I see lots of stuff that make you just like Elsa.
Related: What To Expect With Mixed Race Babies
Honoring the Princess in All of Us
My little girl felt satisfied with our conversation and I think she gained a bit more courage that day. Wearing her Elsa gown in her brown skin created some kind of conflict for her, but thinking about what really makes a princess special was enough for her mindset to change. During our visit to Disneyland that day, Alina was called Princess Elsa probably 100 times. Every cast member went out of their way to call her Princess Elsa – not Black Elsa or anything else. We met the Fairy Godmother that day, who sealed the deal with an enchanting conversation.
But I guess the highlight of my day was when a little, white girl asked her mom what my daughter’s name was within earshot of us. After telling her she was Elsa, the little girl pushed, “But moooom, what is HER name? The little girl’s name?”. Frank and stern, the mother turned to her daughter and said “She’s Elsa! Don’t you see her dress? She’s Elsa!”. I wanted to kiss that mother! She was truly a partner in my parenting that day.
Meanwhile, my sweet brown girl just stood there – back straight, eyes focused and forward – like a royal queen of strength and purpose. Just like Princess Elsa would do.
Jennifer aka Baby Making Mama
April 21, 2015 at 2:23 pmI absolutely love your thoughtful approach to this. I try to ask lots of questions to get to the REAL question as you’ve done here. While our kids can pretend to be whoever they want to be, or become whatever they want to become, you’re right, just saying someone else is whoever we want them to be isn’t the truth. Beautifully stated, as usual mama!
And I’m so glad Alina thinks Lil’ J is cute! I think they’d have so much fun dressing up as princesses together.
My 4-year-old directs her own beautiful princess photo shoots | BabyNowUSA
April 23, 2015 at 7:25 am[…] each princess as if she was her. One of my friends recently shed light on the importance of multiracial children having representation. She shared a story about her daughter asking about if Elsa can be black. […]
Gabriella
April 23, 2015 at 11:10 pmWhat an awesome post! We are a multiracial Cuban family. I have always made sure to give my daughter a diverse group of dolls (Asian, Caucasian, African American,etc.). I especially make it point for her to have dolls that look like her. We did not have many diverse options growing up. So, like your daughter I too had a lot of the same questions when I looked at all of the blonde, blue eyed Barbies lining the toy stores. I practically grew up at Disney World. We live 4 hours south of Disney, but I have yet to take her. I was never to crazy about the fairytale princess thing.
Robert Waters
May 29, 2015 at 12:34 amI agree with you that it is a real challenge to handle the overwhelming whiteness that comes from Disney and other content providers.
I was so pleased recently when I took my multiracial children (8-year old twins, one girl, one boy) to see Home. I had not seen any trailers and had no idea that the heroine would be a multiracial girl. I think this is the first time that my daughter has seen a positive role model that looked like her, albeit a cartoon character. I’d recommend the movie to anybody with multiracial kids because the positiveness is not overt, the kids will just absorb it subconsciously while enjoy the movie. And the movie itself is also really, really good. I shall definitely be purchasing the DVD.
While I like a lot of the Disney material, it does reveal the bias in the minds of those who produce it. And, like you, I wonder whether exposing my kids to too much of it is not good for them, just reinforcing the concept that this is a white world and all people of colour are just bit part players in the background.
Vanessa Bell
June 3, 2015 at 3:44 pmYes, we LOVED Home and agree that it was so nice to see diversity casually infused into our culture (kind of what I hope this blog does 🙂 I’m also happy to have you as a reader, Robert! Please do keep in touch.
Gilda G
May 17, 2016 at 10:04 pmVanessa I was nearly brought to tears with this post. I took notes 🙂 As the mama of 2 biracial girls (Amaya 4.5 yr & Nyla 11mo) I am always searching for thoughtful and meaningful ways to have my girls embrace both Latin and African American culture. But let’s face it! At 4.5 she’s more interested with Elsa or PJ Masks or anything Disney. So, it was awesome to read the exchange between you and Alina. Thank you! I’ve subscribed to my very first blog and look forward to taking more notes! 🙂
Vanessa Bell
May 18, 2016 at 1:53 amSo happy to have you here, Gilda! xoxo