Feeling Fragmented: Creating Balance in Motherhood

Do you ever feel completely fragmented? Like the sum of what makes up your personal identity are not personal at all? Who am I when all these pieces are put together – am do I even like her? Do you ever feel like you just can’t get it together? That’s where I am in my identity these days – feeling fragmented.

Feeling Fragmented

Fragmented-that’s how I feel right about now. Like my life is chopped into several pieces without a real recipe in mind.

Since starting my blog, I have come to realize the importance of spending my time wisely, which equates to spending my time focused on my values. And since there are only so many hours in a day, I aim to incorporate more than one value into my time when possible.

Example: At this moment in my life, raising a child is my utmost priority. I also recognize that I need friends in which I trust, seek advice, respect. So, to best utilize my time, I sought out mommy groups to join so that 1) my daughter can improve her socialization with kids her age and 2.) I can forge new friendships based on our commonalities in motherhood.

After checking out a couple groups, I finally found a small group of women that are amazing, according my values. They’re progressive, educated, diverse, funny, and totally not fussy. So I commit a few hours every week to spend time with them to strengthen the bonds, while also continuing to expose my child to challenging experiences. Making new friends isn’t always easy, or fun, but I do it because my core yearns for connections to others with similar values. These values are important to me, and so I feel harmonious in utilizing my time in this way.

Putting the Pieces Together

Between the kid, the housework, the cooking, and maintaining a strong marriage, I made sure to find time to do things for myself. Like blogging/writing. Learning and appreciating photography. And a little bit of reading. It’s going to take me a full month to read one book, but that’s all the time I have to commit to it at the moment and I’m okay with that.

Last week, this harmonious balance has shifted and I officially feel a little out of control. I started coaching the middle school soccer team of a private school, which takes up at least three hours of every day, Monday through Thursday. Regardless of how many other seasons I have coached for this school or how much the sport has meant to me, it’s soaking up my “me” time.

Regardless of how wonderful this particular piece is to my whole, it just isn’t working. This recipe ain’t tasting so good. I would much rather use this time to hone my new interests and skills. But, I am compensated for my time, and contributing to our recently established financial goal helps in offsetting the inner dissonance I feel.

Every day I try a little bit more to put my pieces together and create a life that honors my values, my interests and the relationships I find most dear. It’s not always easy, and sometimes I just have to accept that feeling fragmented is part of life, but I try my best every day to show up ready for this great adventure.