My First Mother’s Day Sucked, But Yours Doesn’t Have To

There. I said it. My first Mother’s Day sucked. For reasons that mattered and for some that shouldn’t, I don’t look back on my first mom day with glee. Instead, I’m choosing to look back on that day with appreciation for how far we’ve come – as individual parents, as a couple and as a family. Every Mother’s Day since has been better than the last, and I’m grateful for the continued opportunity to improve my being and motherhood.

5 More Reasons Why My First Mother’s Day Sucked

I’ve been thinking about those first 12 months of motherhood a lot lately, and since writing this article for eHow Motherhood, I can identify a few more personal reasons why my first Mother’s Day was a disappointment. To be transparent and maybe help another new mama out, here are 5 (very personal) reasons why the day sucked for me:

1. D and I were not in a good place: Nothing overtly traumatic had happened. No one was cheating or skipping out on their obligations. But the first 12 months of motherhood (and thus, my first Mother’s Day) was so stressful. I was breastfeeding nonstop and never got alone time. I put so much pressure on myself. And since D is so in-tune with me, he was feeling the stress too. There is an incredible lack of conversation in the transitions a man goes through as a new dad, and I completely underestimated the stress and pressure he was feeling. I thank the Lord above we sustained and persevered to be the type of couple and family we are today. Daddy D is everything to me and I will love that man for the rest of my life.

2. I was battling postpartum depression: As a former mental health care worker, I’m ashamed to admit that I refused to accept my postpartum depression. When Alina was 6 months, I saw a doctor. Was diagnosed. Prescribed medication. And did nothing else. I told no one – not even Daddy D – and decided to tackle those months alone. This is my first time acknowledging this huge reason why my first Mother’s Day sucked.

3. Daddy D was working (like a dog): In the last four years, Daddy D’s career has flourished beyond anyone’s expectation (he’s in corporate sales). We are experiencing the most financial security we’ve ever had right now. And although I am a firm believer that money – and stuff! – can NOT buy happiness, there is something to be said of having work/life balance, dependable healthcare and a reserves/emergency fund to help you sleep better at night. Daddy D was not there to celebrate my first Mother’s Day because he was working, like usual, and that really sucked.

4. Alina: I touched on this a bit before, but dude, Alina was a baby. Teething, restlessly sleeping and not jumping up and down with gratitude that I was her mom. If your first Mother’s Day is with an infant, and happiness isn’t centered from within yourself, don’t expect to find elsewhere.

5. First Mother’s Day jitters: I felt SO overwhelmed with pressure to make the day “special” – for Alina, no less (see #4). I spent time with some family, put on a fake smile and tried my best. I’m not sure if wallowing in suckiness would have been a better alternative, but that pressure certainly didn’t make the day better.

My beautiful sweet Alina,

I hope you read this before your first year in motherhood and first Mother’s Day. You are a blessing on Daddy and my life, but parenthood can be a hard transition. Lower your expectations, remove societal pressure and add more gratitude to your life, and I promise your first Mother’s Day won’t suck. And even though mine did, each year has been more beautiful than the previous. I regret nothing and love my life.

Te quiero tanto, mi hija,

Su Mama