I talk a lot about Daddy D on this blog, and not just because we’re married or he’s the father of my children. Daddy D is referenced so often because he is relevant. Sure, I stay home with the babies and am the primary caregiver, but Daddy D is an extremely hands on father. He’s a great Dad; even better than the expectations I place on him.
It was nearly a year ago that I published this Personal Identity Project post on {Black} Fatherhood, including a guest piece by an old colleague who has strong opinions on how the realities of fatherhood as a Black man differs from mainstream opinions. And I agree. Why is it that good, even great, fathers who are Black are toted as a novelty? My husband is a great dad and was raised by a great dad. Great Black fathers exist way more than American mainstream wants to consider. Stereotypes exist for a reason, I get it. But great dads come in all colors, as do really crappy ones. I don’t have to look too far into my world to realize this truth. {Read this post for more on my opinions of race and fatherhood: Celebrating Black Fathers }
I sincerely hope popular opinion is changing about the state of Black fatherhood. I hope more mothers are being loved, supported, respected and honored by the fathers in their lives, regardless of color. I pray that more children are nurtured and raised on the unconditional love and stability provided by the strength of a man’s love, especially our boys. And specifically, I hope Daddy D never suffers the indignities that the stereotypes of Black fatherhood instill. Crappy Dads and being Black are not synonymous; most certainly NOT in the case of my family.
In addition to hoping and praying, I will continue to embrace the beauty that is the Black father in my and my children’s lives. In hopes that maybe one person’s opinions are challenged, I will continue to capture the beauty through the eye of my camera lens and show the world that, although never perfect or easy, THIS Black father is doing right by his family. Every. Single. Day. And in the most beautiful, honest ways.
Celebrating Daddy D is not about color for us, though. It’s just about a day of smothered, pampering adoration in forms of gifts, cards and home cooked meals. It’s about gearing up for a Father’s Day celebration for the man Alina, Sebastian and I depend on, and who consistently delivers.
Daddy D,
I am so proud of you. By the way I rant and rave, I hope you know that. Family life is not always easy; I know you get tired. But you persevere and stay consistent in your love for me and your children. Thank you doing bath and bed time every night. Thank you for doing the dishes at the end of the night, giving me a chance to write or edit or take some time out for myself. Thank you for staying in our fights, and never running away. Thank you for standing by my side, even when I am jabbing it. But, as we gear up for Father’s Day, I am eternally thankful for the people you are raising. You will undoubtedly be the most important man these children will ever know.
Te quiero por siempre mi Esposo,
Su Mjuer
Monica
June 7, 2012 at 9:33 pmSuch a sweet post! Congratulations on such a beautiful family! Many blessings to you and your little family…
De Su Mama
June 7, 2012 at 10:11 pmThank you, Monica!
This Cookn' Mom
June 7, 2012 at 11:00 pmSuch a sweet post. It is sad that black fatherhood is often misrepresented. Here is to the many black fathers who take their role to heart. *raising my juice glass* 🙂
Weather Anchor Mama
June 8, 2012 at 4:44 amI remember reading and commenting on your post about celebrating black fathers. It’s good to see. You have a great man. Hang on tight girrrl! Love the pics, especially the close up of Alina.
De Su Mama
June 8, 2012 at 6:06 pmThat drool is hilarious, right?!
@lovelyleti78
June 8, 2012 at 1:27 pmI think what you wrote about Daddy D is wonderful. And I love and respect your storey. But your reality is not Americas reality.
I have dedicated my life to working with youth. And Grew up in a Black Community in NY. The fact is that 75% of black children are growing up with no father. This is no misrepresentation. But its not just blacks, thats the misconception. 75% of all the Boys we work with have no father or positive male role model. Having a dad who is checked into his children’s life is a rare commodity. Race is often a factor on wether they ever knew their fathers, however not a factor on if he is in their life or not. The role of the father has become secondary in americanized culture. When all the facts say children thrive when they have a good father. However you are correct great black fathers do exist, I know a few. Yes just a few.
Chantilly Patiño (@BiculturalMom)
June 8, 2012 at 10:08 amI just love this Vanessa, and your post on Black father’s was excellent! I’m so glad your co-worker shared. You have such a beautiful family and we all know how easy it is to take each other for granted. It’s so beautiful to see you both celebrating each other. ♥
Unknown
June 8, 2012 at 1:25 pmThis comment has been removed by the author.
De Su Mama
June 8, 2012 at 3:47 pmTotally appreciate your comment @lovelyleiti78… thank you! I also spent much of my career {before becoming a SAHM} working in social services with disadvantage youth and I agree: way too many American kids are growing up without positive father figures. I could go on for days on the topic, how the roles of socioeconomics and education impacts that reality and how mainstream media insists are perpetuated that image despite so many minorities struggling to change the stereotype.
My point with this post, as is with most all of my blog posts, is to exemplify to Alina and Sebastian that their Dad is/was amazing. They will hear enough of the contrary from God knows who as they grow up. This blog is meant to validate their being and push them to move past whatever stereotypes they feel confined by. Failure, for me as a mom, is when my kids believe they are victims; when they feel their voices have no meaning or consequence. I want them to believe that their reality is a consequence of their actions. Know what I mean?
Just like I threw my heart into the kids I served while working in the trenches of nonprofits, I feel it would be a disservice to the kids I serve now {and to, if how ever few, the Black fathers that are getting it right} by not showcasing THEIR reality to the world.
BTW… keep changing the world with your work in NY! I know all to well how heart wrenching and tiresome social services can be. I know that feeling of helplessness when trying to connect families to resources and improve a life. Let me just say, YOU ARE MAKING A DIFFERENCE!
Gerri
June 12, 2012 at 1:12 pmI had a great dad and my husband is a great dad, so I’m with you. They DO exist.
Love this post – pictures, message, and drool! 🙂