Saving Money Saved My Marriage

Perhaps it’s melodramatic to say, and in reality, it is, but I will anyway: living with an aggressive saving plan over the last 12 months has saved my marriage from certain stresses and, perhaps, doom.

Okay. Maybe that’s really melodramtic. Let me explain…

Creating Financial Legacy in an Interracial Marriage

Now that D has started his new position at a new job in a new state with new leadership (new, new, new!), I feel comfortable sharing that, almost 2 months ago, he quit his job.

Just like that. He quit his job. With a wife and two kids to support, a mortgage to pay and everything else that comes with modern day life, my husband, the beautiful Daddy D, unilaterally decided to give his two weeks notice and, thereby, quit his full time career as the primary bread-winner of our household. Wowza, right?

Honestly, we’d been yearning for changes. Daddy D needed out of his current workplace and I desperately wanted out of Vegas. He was miserable at his current job and I missed the guy he used to be. Occasionally, our marriage would see some light of youth and fun, but it was predominately busy with the business of raising a family.

In addition, my husband could hardly stand his bosses, as their leadership failed to support or recognize his insane work ethic. When he finally gave them an ultimatum (“I listed my house on the market. Can we look at a transfer to California?”), their response was satire and sexist at best (“Oh buddy, just buy your wife a bigger house. That will shut her up for awhile.”)

All the while, we would dream about all these different life paths we could take if he didn’t work so much or if we were location independent or if I had more time to commit to writing. Dreaming, though, is not the same as planning. And we have two kids to support.

I JUST GAVE MY TWO WEEKS NOTICE.

“Are you sitting down”, he asks. For some hopeful reason, I thought he was about to give me good news. He was working at a Fortune 500 company and I had advocated finding a way to negate the negative while keeping the job security. I really wanted him to stay at his old company! But, by the grace of God, I took his cue and sat my butt down.

When I heard those words, my head literally started spinning. My first thought: good thing he told me to sit down! My second thought felt like a scene out of The Matrix. I remember each nanosecond amplifying the assertion that, whatever I did and said next, would define our marriage. I cannot explain how horrifying it felt, knowing that I held the power to strengthen or weaken our bond and trust by the next words I spoke.

Ultimately, I choose him. And us. I stood by my man. And my marriage.

I told him that his bosses were idiots – and they are. That we would be okay. I told him, “I trust you.” Even if I was scared.

That same day, we received a full price offer on our home. And two months later, we’re here…. living closer to family and friends, with full lives and full-time jobs. Just yesterday, as I was on the phone with D chatting about dinner plans, I heard a guy yell out to him, “See you tomorrow, Boss!”. Boss. We took a second to recognize how flipping cool that is.

Mothers and Money Manufacture Family Legacy

Several years ago, I read a personal finance book by David Bach that forever simplified the way I looked at money and the role it has on my life. We didn’t have kids, but the values are universal.

Basically, he said, money allows us to…

1. Be

2. Do

3. Have

That’s it.

So, as I stood at the top of our stairs, overhearing my husband’s conversation with his best friend, my heart was SO FULL with this, “Ya dude, Vanessa put us on this crazzzzzzy savings plan at the beginning of the year, so we’re okay. But if she hadn’t done that, who knows how long I’d be stuck at that place.” Money allowed me to BE the wife our family legacy needed at that exact moment.

Saving Money Saved My Interracial Marriage

I’ve never been so clear as to why saving money is paramount to a lasting marriage. Money doesn’t buy happiness, but in this case, having 6-8 months of reserves set aside most certainly made me a more supportive and understanding wife. I kept my cool even in time of risk. I allowed him space to unwind from a stressful job before hounding him to find the next. I trusted his extinct, even when I disagreed.

And not because I’m that chill of a wife. Trust me. I am a control freak.

I’m not a super-wife or super-mom, by any stretch of the imagination. Or a great friend or family member. I stress easily and need time to think things through before responding. But, I sincerely try my best and, I have to say, I did my best wife-ing ever that day my husband quit his job….

All because we saved money.