When my daughter was less than two years old, I enrolled her in ballet class. In truth, I reveled in the experience – probably even more than she – as I craved for her to feel beautiful and graceful. Turns out, Alina could care less about ballet and I was left with the realization that my choice in her extracurricular activity had more to do with me than a desire for my girl to learn the art of dance.
I recently wrote an article at the new Tampico Is Color blog about soccer Kick It: 5 Soccer Skills Any Mom Can Teach (it’s fun and informative!). I loved soccer growing up and wrote the article for moms who weren’t players, but still want to support their little ones in the awesome sport.
But writing the article also made me start thinking, why was I so upset when my daughter rejected ballet?….
Even though I loved soccer, and know that it contributed to my character, I often felt trapped in that identity. Tomboy, un-pretty, thick thighs, not fashionable, the list goes on and is basically everything a teenage girl doesn’t want to be. I feel so dumb to remember those sentiments now. I was a great kid: got decent grades, worked hard at my sport, made great friends, learned valued skills and, ultimately, found a passion that kept me on a straight and narrow path during formidable years in a young adult’s life. Soccer is everything I want for my daughter as she grows into a young woman. So why the hesitation?
What Parenting Values Do Her Interests Support?
In retrospect, I know that enrolling my girl in ballet was more about my own insecurities than it was exposing her to the classic discipline. My desire to feel pretty and graceful was a constant source of contention as a kid and I wanted to offer my child the opportunity to feel those things according to what our society says is pretty or graceful. So foolish.
When Alina specifically asked not to be enrolled in ballet (the local theater mandates that ballerinas were their hair in a bun and my loose-hair-loving girl wasn’t having that), I started to analyze the parenting values I projected when choosing her extracurricular activities. I also started to listen to her needs and interests, instead of focusing on what I thought she needed to develop in character.
Extracurricular Activities and Positive Parenting Values
After a successful first season, Alina asked repeatably to continue playing soccer. Big thighs, sweaty face, unruly hair set aside, I know that soccer will give my girl the values of teamwork, comradeship and selflessness that she needs. I also know that, when I expose her to the striker position (the forward line whose job it is to score goals and, ultimately, win games), I will reinforce the values of focus and courage that young women need as they set onto a life of success. Women of color, especially. I’ll teach her to look forward, eyes focused on the back of the net, to avoid the game’s chaos and to grasp the courage (that I never had) to cock back that strong leg and strike the ball with a ferocity that commands respect. Those are values I want for my girl.
Extracurricular activities speak to our children’s lives and our parenting values in ways I once completely underestimated.
We recently started Alina on piano lessons. At her request, we looked for a teacher that would fit her energy and she’s loved every moment of it. And while, yes, piano is a graceful, self expressive art form that I’m thrilled to have my daughter explore, it’s also a passion that came from her desire to emote.. not mine.
I’m just here to support the values I believe to be important for my children.
1 Comment
Weather anchor mama
August 15, 2014 at 9:33 pmGood for you. Some times we live vicariously through our children. The important thing is to, like you said, listen to their needs. I recently signed princess up for dance class because she asked for it. The minute she says she’s not into it, I’ll pull her out. But for now she loves it.