To Keep Car Seat Rear-Facing Or Not: The New Mom Drama

Are You ‘Mom Enough’ To Stay Rear-Facing?

Move over 4 year old breastfeeding kid, there’s a new mom drama in town. As I recently found out, some passionate moms are willing to provide sufficient eye-rolls and pretentious attitudes to prepare us for rearing hormonal teenage girls. Why? The question of how long we should be keeping our kids in rear facing car seats is apparently cause to make other moms feel dumb or, even worse, like bad parents.

As a Britax Ambassador, the company often asks me to write about how their products impact my daily life. Child safety is one of the most important aspects of why I love Britax – in addition to their willingness to support education and conversation about such topics. This is a sponsored post by Britax and the #SafeConBritax campaign. All opinions and rants are my own. Unfortunately, so is the barrage of attitude I got awhile back.

Rear Facing Car Seats Until 2 Years Old – At Least!

When Alina was born in 2010, the common benchmark for keeping kids rear facing recommended by car seat professionals was at least one year old and 20 pounds. Our pediatrician actually encouraged us to switch her to forward facing early after I complained of her fussiness in the car. But as a new mom, I knew that car seat professionals were staunchly supporting otherwise. We kept Alina rear facing past a year, but with that decision being against the grain, I ultimately switched her forward at about 16 months of age. Peer pressure, I guess?

In 2011, the AAP (American Academy of Pediatrics) updated their recommendations to specify that children remain in rear facing car seats until they are too tall or too heavy according to car seat’s manufacturer or until at least age 2. Our pediatrician is singing a new tune and reinforces a strict guideline on when to switch from rear facing car seats, which is great news for all of us – most especially our kids who remain so much safer. Despite cranky kids and long road trips, Sebastian will stay rear facing until at least two years old and hopefully even longer. Our Britax Advocate and Boulevard car seats allow for rear facing up to 70 lbs. Does making that decision for my family make me a better mom?

Mom Drama Does Nothing But Divide

With all the world’s drama, the stuff that irks me enough to write about- like I did about the Times Mom Enough article –  is when moms start belittling other moms. We – MOMS – are the stuff that legacies are built out of. WE are raising this world’s next generation. And I just don’t believe in belittling my fellow legacy builders for the sake of feeling like I’m mom enough to keep my kids safe, well nourished, happy, etc.

Before our month vacation got underway, Daddy D gave my car a major cleaning, including taking out both car seats to clean underneath. Citing Sebastian’s unruly behavior once our 5 hour drive approaches hour 3, D wanted to switch his car seat to forward facing, and oh man did I agree with him. I totally get it! Kids are way less cranky forward facing. Knowing that decision went against my hopes, I posted a comment in a mommy Facebook group where I know the moms are very passionate about car seat safety. Actually, I took advantage of the fact that I know many of these moms personally and sought out looking for a gentle slap on the hand, reminding me that the annoyance of rear facing was well worth the trouble. I even made mention of my role as a car seat manufacturer ambassador and the possible hypocrisy of sharing pictures on social media of a forward facing, 13 month old. It was all in jest, but I was looking for support.

As expected, some of the moms I know personally commented on my post with references and suggestions for keeping Sebas happy on our long trip. What I didn’t expect was the onslaught of at.ti.tude from moms who thought belittling me would somehow persuade me to keep my toddler rear facing. There was all sorts of virtual eye rolls, sarcasm , and even attacking D (because I said it was his idea) – I was shocked, to say the least. The whole time, I said close to nothing, thinking I should have never opened my mouth to begin with. It was my fault for asking.

But then I got mad – really mad. How are moms suppose to know, learn and do best by their kids if they can’t even feel safe to ask questions in a group of moms, who are presumably there to support one another? Knowing other moms watched as that thread took a turn made my heart even more sad.

After years of working in social services, what I know more than anything is that kids will love their mom through many things – abuse, abandonment, neglect; the kid continues to love their mom. To make kids truly safer (if that is really one’s ambition), belittling is not a viable approach. Empowerment and positive reinforcement is. The mom drama has got to stop.

Your young child is safest when in a rear facing car seat – I believe even more so when in a properly installed Britax car seat – but I don’t think moms who forward face their kids are inherently bad parents. I would never personally judge another mom like that. As long as we have the information needed to make the best decision for their families – which happens to be proven fact that rear facing car seats are safest – then who am I to engage in senseless mom drama. I refuse to leave a legacy of negativity.

Have you encountered mom drama like this? Do you judge moms who forward face their young kids?