How NOT To Raise Bilingual Kids: I Suck So Bad At This

Happy Hispanic Heritage Month?

I had every intention to raise bilingual kids. I had every intention to actually improve – at least maintain – by own level of bilingualism. But, I have to be honest: I suck at raising bilingual kids.

How’s that for a happy Hispanic Heritage Month?

In real life, I often completely forget that I can communicate in Spanish. I allow the fear of making mistakes – the knowledge that I cannot perfectly express my sentiments in Spanish – keep me from practicing the language. This fear often keeps me from feeling whole or isolating the Latino environment that would improve our day to day life. If I feel like my language ability is being judged, I literally refuse to speak it.

How’s that for building a legacy?

Last Friday, as I sat on the grass watching my girl during soccer practice, a dark skinned woman started to approach me. She was gorgeous – long, gentle wavy hair, full make-up on, wearing very stylish attire for the average soccer mom. My heart smiled a little, embracing the stereotype that Latinas are fashion forward and gorgeous; this woman certainly embodied it all. I’m neither, but am proud to be Latina nonetheless.

She sat next to me and, for whatever reason, we started to chat… in Spanish. We sat there a long time, talking about our daughters, soccer, her Etsy business selling stylish hair bows (of which I bought a few). We talked about her hometown in Mexico, how my accent sounded nothing like a Cuban’s should. And we did this all in Spanish.

We sat there and chatted in Spanish as I could feel the glares from other moms who don’t…. I was reminded of the difficulties of being a bicultural Latina in modern day America. I’m reminded of the jokes and ignorant judgments from monolinguals that can’t fathom why anyone (or any American) would want to speak another language. I’m reminded of the hurt I felt when friends or “family” would chastise those who “refuse to speak English” and should “go back to their own country”, as if it were that easy. I’m reminded of how I bit my tongue, wanting to explain that my family members were political refugees, that they were “legal”, that for however fragmented, they could speak English, or that they were successful entrepreneurs making millions of dollars while their monolingual families could hardly pay the bills. I wanted to say all of that, but I always bit my English speaking tongue and hid my harsh, hyphenated realty from my Spanish speaking family. What else can a bicultural Latina do?

Being a bicultural Latina can be as hard as raising bilingual kids… and sometimes I just feel so inadequate in all of it. So much of my parenting revolves around the idea that biracial children can grow up to feel whole (and wholesome) by honoring all elements of their heritage. We are so proud to be American; to be educated English speaking, tax-paying Americans. Pero hijole, does that mean I can’t be bilingual? Because if that’s what it means, then I’m not so sure we can get along.

Until now, I’ve failed to accept how important language is to my parenting philosophy and, because our current lifestyle doesn’t honor those beliefs, the inner dissonance I’m experiencing lately has become way too much to overlook. Things have to change. My kids are getting too old to ignore our bilingual endeavors.

Sure, as of today, I suck at raising bilingual kids. I suck at being proud of my own bilingualism, too. But I’m getting better and we’re making changes. One day at a time, we’re moving towards a life of bilingualism and multiculturalism that I find most important in raising multiracial children. Let’s see where that takes us.

In the meantime, to my fellow bicultural Latinos straddling the hyphen, I wish you a very happy Hispanic Heritage Month.